"You have called me higher."

 Since when does the killing of an animal call for more grief and mourning and concern than the perishing souls of millions? It breaks my heart to see and hear of people who do not understand the mercy and grace of the One True and Living God, but it breaks my heart even more to see people who don't care. They're "tolerant" or whatever. It makes me sick. Tolerance is politically correct, yes. But I don't want to be politically correct. I want the world to know the love of my Savior. God has called us all to live apart from the ways of the world. The only thing that really matters is the Gospel, because, in the end, that is all that will last. 

 

"I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home, never let these walls down. But You have called me higher. You have called me deeper and I will go where you will lead me, Lord"

Faithful forever, Perfect in love, You are sovereign over us.

Staff Training is officially over and campers come tomorrow. That is such an insane thought to me. On June 4, 2010, God called me to be on staff at Snowbird and now on June 4, 2012, my first campers will pull onto this property. God is so faithful, even when I don't deserve it. He has still brought me where He promised He would. I am so excited and so scared at the same time. This is a huge responsibility, but I am trusting God to work through me and for me to not try to work through my own strength. Still, the enemy is attacking where I know myself to be weakest. I can not allow my ministry to be affected my fear or by being unable to fix. God is sovereign and He has a plan to move and work this summer. I just have to submit to that. And honestly, that is all I can do.

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For byhim all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, andthrough him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross." -Colossians 1:15-20

A few random thoughts...

Once again, I have many things I should be doing, but I've found myself online and with the motivation to write. It's funny how the motivation to write never comes when I have nothing else I should be doing. Maybe that's because I always have something I should be doing other than wasting time on the internet. So once again, here is a short post with a few bullet points of random thoughts that are bouncing around in my head before I stop wasting time and start being productive...maybe.

• I don't understand the cruelty of the human race. I just don't get how one person could enjoy traumatizing another. But it happens.
  
• There are so many problems I wish I could fix. Well, not fix, because that's Jesus's job, but help or something. I don't know. I hate it when I can see that my one of my friends is hurting and there's absolutely nothing I can do. I can pray. Prayer is so powerful. But sometimes, I just want to give her a hug..and I can't do that from 8 hours away. A phone call or a text isn't always enough.
   
• My first year of college is almost done. That's a crazy thought, but I am so ready to be done with classes. I don't want to wish this time away, but I am tired of being busy and stressed and just being tired in general. Oh, and the fact that basically everyone else is already done doesn't help much.
  
• Eighteen days until I leave for staff training at SWO! I am s(w)o excited! I can't believe this is finally happening. I actually get to work with campers this year! Okay, maybe I can, because God called me to do this, and He is always faithful to provide a way for His callings. I am still super excited though. I can't wait for another, yet completely different, summer at Snowbird. 

Well, I have to go to class now. So much for using this time to clean or do homework or something. I guess some things just needed to be said. And I'm okay with that. 

be encouraged.

Once again, I have the desire and motivation to blog when I definitely should not be online. I have two papers to write tonight so this must be short. I shouldn't even be on here, but I have to get these thoughts out of my head so I can focus on school.

I can't fix everyone's problems.

That one obvious statement is the single hardest thing for me to learn. I want to be able to encourage my friends when they're having a rough week. I want to know what's going on in their lives so that I can help. I want to be able to fix what's wrong in their lives so that they can be happy. I can't fix anything. I can encourage, but I can't fix. That's Jesus's job. And He should get the glory for everything being fixed, not me for encouraging. That hit me hard. And continues to do so. I'm stuck finding the balance between encouraging and trying to fix. So much of life is finding a balance...and I'm not very good at that.

thoughts on authority.

I've been wrestling with a few ideas tonight and I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm going to try to explain this with as few details as possible, so hopefully it will still make sense. I have been faced with the question of authority a lot lately. I feel God's call to serve Him in ways that my parents are reluctant (to say the least) to allow. Being 18, am I out from under their authority? I honestly don't think I ever will be, and I'm okay with that, but sometimes I feel like I have to decide who has more authority- my parents or God. Which God obviously does, but how do I disobey my parents to obey God when He says honor your father and mother?

hello 2012...

Well, another year has come and gone. I rang in the new year this year from Kansas City, MO. It was definitely an interesting weekend to say the least, but I'm not going into details there. I've got several "resolutions"-I guess you could call them- for the upcoming year. I hate to say resolutions because I really want this to be life changes rather than I want to start this and stop a week later. But anywho, I feel like I'll be more likely to keep it up if I write it down.

-I want to start journaling more. I'm trying a type of art journaling now, but at some point in my day I want to take the time to write down prayers, applications from my study, concerns, frustrations, happenings, etc.

-I want to try to get in shape more and try to lose some weight. Cliche, I know, but I'm tired of my mom weighing less than me and still dieting constantly. It makes me self conscious. Which leads to my next one...

-I need to stop putting so much weight in what others think. I act like I don't care and I really don't want to care what others think of me, but when it comes down to it I just want to please everyone when the only person I really need to please is Christ.

-I need to push harder and harder to pursue holiness and fight sin. I get so complacent and I hate that. I need to spend every second serving God- not the things of this world.

Maybe I'll be better at blogging consistently in 2012.. I doubt it.

Not to us.

"Not to us, but to Your name be the glory."

We sang this song in youth last night. We know the words and sing along, but there are so many times that we want things to work out for our good and our good alone. I find myself thinking this way a lot. Not literally "I want things to work out for my good only" but I analyze the result that I want, and it is all about me. Everything we do should be centered around bringing God glory. That is why we are still here. Everything. School. Friendships. Missions. Life. It's not to become educated to get a well-paying job, or to not be lonely, or to even reach the lost, or to just survive. Those things are important, yes, but there should be a greater force driving us to do all of these things. The desire to reflect God's glory. Everything we do should be evidence of our desire to glorify God. Everything. 

"Send Your holy fire on this offering
Let our worship burn for the world to see
It's not for us, It's all for You

Not to us, but to Your name be the glory.

Not to us, but to Your name be the glory."